In a very warped way, i think i am going to miss national service. Warped because ord has been something that I have looked forward to the past 1 year 10 months, and i had never wanted to be part of the army anyway. and national service is something almost everyone wants to get out of. but it is no surprise i think, to feel the way i do - a sense of happiness, and yet a tinge of sadness, knowing that i will miss the place, my bunk and most of all, the people. while i am glad there's no more marching, singing from point to point, saikang, parades, burnt weekends, restriction of movement, a regimental, restricted life, corporal punishment (honestly now i know how this term came about haha); there is that sense of attachment when you have slept in that place for such a long time, with the same people for such a long time and worked and fought hard with the same bunch of people. while there were many tough moments, while there were time i was filled with hate, dread and even despair, there were also many times that i enjoyed myself and i can safely say i will walk away with pleasant memories of my time at 39sce.

i never thought this day would come but yet again i couldnt imagine myself a soldier 2 years ago either. neither did many of my classmates. and friends. i thought soldiering was never in my dna and dreaded the day when i would have to surrender my pink ic and suffer under the cruel hands of sadistic commanders. but as the day came near, and i realised there was nothing that i could do to get out of all the tough training i convinced myself to follow the most cliched and common of advice i have been getting - to go in with a positive attitude. and so in trying to pyscho myself i went in with 2 goals - to get fit and make more friends. i found out later those 2 arent really difficult when you have sadistic commanders. the link being sadistic commanders make you train hard and then force people who didnt have anything in common to have something common to bitch about - evil commanders and how we would like to kill them and how they suck as leaders. oh how we bitched haha.

it wasnt just keeping fit and making friends though. national service was an important thing - we were defending our country and our presence played a key role in stopping would be aggressors from attacking us. if that's the case i am happy to have played a part and to have contributed. but above all i thought that ns in and of itself has taught me loads. not the really tangible and useful stuff like driving or technical repair bla bla bla but lifeskills perhaps that could have been taught elsewhere but the regimentation and the authoritarian regime an army requires hits home the message harder. there is still that tinge of regret for not having made it to ocs, but my time as a man hasnt taught me nothing about leadership. it made me understand better the idea of "to be a good leader, one must first be a good follower". and having worked as a man with fellow pioneers, my ns experience has opened my eyes to different styles of leadership and made me ask myself what i would do in their positions. it has forced me to learn to be patient, to accept how certain things cannot be changed, which is especially applicable in this country and as i always tell my platoon mates, to suck it up and deal with it. but amidst all, you learn to not lose yourself and stand up for what you truly believe it and fight for your welfare and that of others.

2 years ago, my teachers gave me the advice of making the best out of my 2 years in ns and i am glad i have consistently tried my best and received an affirmation from my bosses and peers, if the transcript is to be of any indication. i can only hope i have made a difference to those around me. and while we are going to meet up from time to time, like yearly gatherings, things arent going to be the same again and i can only hope that our friendships forged can withstand the test of time.

so here it is, another chapter coming to a close. i will probably never forget the activation at the cookhouse, the sitting down staring at the equipment for 16 hours, the standby area at the parade square, the waiting, the "down and hold it there", the half squats, the runs, the parades, the kiwing sessions, the mopp 4, the cs pallets "that we eat for breakfast", the horrible breakfasts (speaking of which), the mph ridden with birdshit; oir duty; and many more; but i will also walk away with the pleasant memories of ord fxn, hosting the rsmcoa and oc coc, drinking at gL, plt cohesions, incessant chattering into the night, stripping kenneth, kboxing, running the one marathon and half marathons, boardgames and the fun and laughter that bravo and platoon 5 brings.

i am experienceing the usual emptiness that comes to me whenever something big comes to an end. it's normal i suppose, and unless you have had a very bad experience, i think everyone will or has experienced a bittersweet ord. but that's life for you, and like everything else, we learn to move on.

whatever the case may be, i think it is going to be exciting, what life brings us next. moving forward, i am looking forward to it with some apprehension, and much excitement.

junyi! posted at 11:16 pm.