the young changemakers fund seems a good source to tap into ... but it doesnt seem like we qualify, it doesnt seem tt easy to get a thousand bucks or so. u14s is coming up. and i hope seriously tt it will b one of the biggest ever. simply because this is going to b the very last things we r doing for the college, for raffles debaters as a student at least.

and for hse party too. last thing to b done for the house. i really hope to leave with a bang. i hope ajit doesnt mind really, me poking my nose into almost everything. but i guess after some time u do find it hard to let go, to take a back seat and wait for something to happen. it's jus me i guess. can b qte off-putting i noe. but i jus hope house party goes really really well and everyone have fun. or we wld have failed. =(

so anw, all u moortarbetians out there! house party will prove to b very very very exciting and it CANNOT be missed. Turn up on 13 April! And immerse yourself in a night of fun and entertainment, with good food, music and fun! Food for MTians is at a low cost of a dollar only. non mt ppl can come too, but need to pay a dollar more. MUST MUST MUST GO OK!

i seem to start being busy all over again. but having a great team helps =) and this time it does seem less rushed a job overall for everything i suppose. And i am also more brusque this time - aysuria seems to get the brunt of it really at most points of time, i m sorry abt tt. But all your help will always b appreciated all the time!

i hope they all go well. not just well. like a major SUCCESS.

Watched V for Vendetta with Les, wyns, jing, nadj ... and i realised it is the first time i watched a movie with them! haha. in many ways it was time well spent... talking as usual, asking abt the meaning of life haha. but more importantly i loved the movie. it was in many ways very inspirational, and a movie that taught many things. Even despite the fact tt i cldnt catch qte a lot of what V said, the few times i did catch wat he said made loads of sense and it is like if you want to do something do it, why fear ... tt kind of stuff. It will b a great movie for someone learning to b a leader haha. All the convincing of ppl to believe in you.

In many ways the movie did get me thinking and did inspire me, to do what i don't know but maybe one day it might inspire me to DO something. given how i screwed cts up, it is highly difficult for me to actually do something at this stage. but maybe in the future. i will apply for the young changemakers' fund then. haha. or do something great. where i will be able to make believe in me. tt will b qte cool.

Yes V for Vendetta is a good movie. haha. It was utterly random, i din even intend to watch the movie. but i m glad i did. hahas.

cts suck.

junyi! posted at 11:54 pm.

wow. i m qte on today. blog consecutively over the past 2 days.

had a class outing today. ok u cant really consider it a class outing given the very very very very very very very very very very very (ok u get my pt) small attendance. wldnt hv gone cept xixun was, i mus admit, very persuasive and i said yes cos she used the moral high ground against me. haha. but it was good fun i had to admit, tho henceforth NO ONE tells others hu din turn up my absolutely embarrassingly low score. haha. at least they were polite enough to not laugh -so much & loudly-.

haha. we had dinner at gluttons' bay. and we ordered LOTS of food. haha. like gluttons.

i m sure they did other things after i left. but i had to leave ... sadly enough.

i like having food with many ppl. we shld go eat out more in a huge group more often. jus not in school. haha. i like the atmosphere.

wished more ppl wld hv turned up tho. but perhaps small group has its advantages lah. u wont break up into cliques. haha.

-------------------------------

random:
a y s u r i a says:
i told the pe teacher, when he told me to LOSE WEIGHT. that i'd rather be fat and die early, than be anorexic/bulimic and die when i'm 16

a y s u r i a says:
he never bugged me again.

junyi. you're says:
hahahahhahahahhahahaha

junyi. you're says:
OMG

junyi. you're says:
tt's qte funny

a y s u r i a says:
anyway. honestly. people are waaaay too skinny in singapore. all the models today, were stick-thin, can see their ribs, and at first i wasn't surprised, cause everyone looks that way in s'pore

haha. aysuria justifying y she is eating deepfried mars bar.

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but anw, for the record i do not think tt ri deserved to lose ytd. based on their performance on the floor. they wld hv done enough to get to the semis. unfortunately. in debates it is based on 3 ppl. and i shant comment further. feel sorry for auyong tho =(.

---------------------

junyi! posted at 11:59 pm.

it din hurt me that deeply that they lost again, this time at an earlier stage, this time a 2nd consecutive time. But perhaps it is just being through so many defeats the past 2 years, winning jus doesnt matter anymore. after all it lies in the hands of 3 ppl? sometimes 7? sometimes 1 ...

but i mus b kidding if i said tt winning hse championships 2 yrs ago din matter to me. or tt winning jgs 2 yrs ago din matter to me. cos no matter wat others said about the fact tt perhaps i wasnt as good as my other team mates, and tt me alone wld hv done shit, tt perhaps it was 2 individuals more than a team of 5 hu won the thing, i still noe tt they can say all they want and tt at least, once upon a time, i did win something in my life. i contributed. and we all cant forget this win can we? i was telling suhas how 10 yrs down the road we will still b talking abt tt day at my hse and we subsequently lost to TCHS, the "backstabbing" haha, the route to victory wasnt easy. cliched. but we did go thru shit.

and tt is a team. my team.

and i never won again. but no team also remains quite exactly the same. watching the guys again today for the first time after such a long while - considering tt i hv been adjudicating all this time, brought back memories. the internal conflicts (tho settled subsequently), the squabbles, the breaking of window panes haha, the water festival, the late nights, the cursings and swearings, the foul tempers. yes. i remember those. they came back again today. and tt's y i still miss debates. all the many things. but they will nv qte b the same again will they? Suhas' not really the old suhas anymore. Neither is shang. and i doubt i m qte the same from 2 years back. and of course neither r ajit & terence.

and today too jus reaffirmed the idea tt there r no certainties in life. screwed up or batch, having gotten back every single piece of silverware lost over the past 4? years, lost at the qfinals. a team (tt's ours) having lost every single thing tt once belonged to the nice trophy cabinet, got it. who wld hv thought so? i thought they shld hv won, but sometimes ...

listening, jus listening today, sometimes u cant even steer the boat to go the path tt u want it to go. sometimes, u have tt meagre amount of control over the achieving of the many aims u have. But maybe at the end of this whole thing, wat's the point of winning. wat do we get out of winning? if the motivation behind being part of something jus seems so wrong? but hu m i to comment.

many different things chart how we turn out to become. and i jus hope tt this bunch, will jus walk away from this, taking something away with them. and hopefully did walk away, knowing fully tt they did try their best.

and i hope i m not sounding too preachy.

cts was rather bad for me. i m going to fail tons as per normal. cts is finally over. a break at last. but on the darker side of things, one down, means the biggest one is coming nearer.

happy belated birthday zul.

and i realised this entry is made up of many of the random things floating in my mind right now. but wth lah.

junyi! posted at 1:26 am.

everyone shld noe by noe whether this cts will b a screwed one or a good one for them. and i think i have talked enough abt it. anw m having a break from all the studying - of which nothing is going in - so i shall jus blog one entry before cts officially begin - i still cant accept tt i will complete half the papers by the end of monday =S. monday will b one hell of a tiring day.

anw. good luck everyone for cts - especially if u r like me studying only this yr topics or will not study anything at all. or especially if everything is not going in.

to those hu tagged - thanks =) and yep after cts at least it's a bit of a relief for us all but not for long =(. but all the best =) and yea. i dont really like maths. but it is better than the rest i think haha.

5 more days. wahs. ggxx. then phew.

junyi! posted at 9:49 pm.

i need a break.

and i m not getting it.

i cant finish all that i need to finish. everything is so screwed tt it is not funny.

thank goodness for msn for preserving my sanity.

junyi! posted at 11:28 pm.

this sucks. i hate cts. i hate this hols. i hate the bio dept too.

i hv been grounded because of this "state of emergency" where it dawned upon the heads of the house that CTs IS next week. which basically means tt i cannot go out and stay at home in the pursuit of excellence and knowledge. which also means tt i wld b deprived of the much required sunshine and more importantly the already non-existent social life. i hv been disallowed to go for PPP or michelle's birthday party.

it is not like i wld study in the absence of these social activities. because after some time i DO need a break. and if the absence of these, i will even more so spend time to write an entry like this. which then explains this entry.

anw nothing spectacularly blog-worthy has happened. on thurs was ihc closing, where mt is confirmed 3rd. sucks to b true but we did our best so it's ok i guess. yet our term has not come to and end and we WILL have the best hse party no doubt. nothing much happened for ihc closing. happen to b i/c for decor this time. so it's jus loads of manual labour. well at least i got help this time. and thanks alan! haha.

fri was jgs again. congrats to ri having broke 2nd. but din get to watch this time n was shifted to adjudicate b div debates this time. dissented twice this time rd, sucks to b the dissent cos the other adjudicators stare at u like u r crazy to have given it to the other team. but i do stand by my decisions and it is jus how i hv been trained and hence perhaps see debates differently from the other 2 adjudicators. i din dissent a single time in the 1st round - so my adjudicating cant b THAT bad. haha. vj lodged a complaint in one of the debates where the other 2 gave it agst them. but like wtv lah. i guess it is a matter of both sides committed errors, but what the adjudicator thought was the more serious.

hai. looks like a boring week ahead is in store for me. bio sucks cos the WHOLE FREAKING core syllabus is going to b tested. like how i m going to finish everything is totally questionable. i mean we only hv one week break and in term one we were like how busy. stupid. and totally unreasonable.

junyi! posted at 5:15 pm.

i hate what i did today. i hate my emceeing today. it was horrible, and it was utterly embarrassing. and it is simply cos no one was listening. i dunno lah. no one listens. For the past few times i have tried to emcee - and tt is like 4 consecutive weeks, i have been mediocre or horrible. Totally unentertaining and forgettable.

i dunno. this isnt an important function, but i guess i take my work seriously all the time. emceeing all these while has been interesting. has been fun - thanks to all the co-emcees i have worked with. but sometimes i question the need of my presence. whether having someone else instead would have made any difference.

ok i m sorry i sound so self-centred and m talking jus about myself. argh.

i hate cts. i hate this compelling necessity to hit the books. i hate myself for not having the self discipline to sit down and complete everything tt matters.

i think i m rather off today. cld b o2, cld jus b me. and i dunno y it is so. others seem to b more troubled than me anw.

of the many things i m holding on to, it is good tt perhaps i m letting go one by one.

junyi! posted at 10:35 pm.