so i am now one fifth of a century old. and the day passed without much fanfare, with some incidents here and there no doubt - some happy, some irritating, but yea it's the time of the year again to remind you that you're older, supposedly more mature and hopefully wiser. of course there's also the receiving of well-wishes and presents and the random counting of people who wished you happy birthday (and didnt) and hoping that you would remember theirs. haha. of course it is the time of your life when you ponder your very existence as well.

i however shall stop short of doing that. and am just pretty glad with all the well-wishes. from the army coy, from jc, from sec school, on facebook whichever. it does feel remotely good to be remembered. and to be reminded of what others remember you as. haha. and today i found out that i aint very well-liked. haha. my platoon in their gift to me, called me a control freak. and the present from 'the others' (so named cos those who got the prezzie was predominantly from other platoons) had notes like "i dont like you", "you're mean", "you're irritating some times". haha. APPARENTLY it's in jest. BUT HRM maybe i should take it seriously and do some self-reflections. haha.

BUT anyway to those who got me gifts - jonk, suhas, chang, platoon 5, kengfoo, calvin, zhenghan, berwin, ernest, jordan, andrew, weili, james, marcus, chinhan. thanks a lot. really appreciate them (: and to those who sent messages. thanks too (:

i wanted to write something about the govt's response to the escape of msk. but it's late. and the aggressiveness i possessed yesterday in discussing with friends about it is no longer there. so another time perhaps. or perhaps not at all. haha.

watched street kings. which had average performances from keanu reaves and chris evans, and a rather outstanding one from forest whitaker - though i felt it was a tad similar to his role in the last king of scotland. i thought it had a message simple enough - that what you see may not be what you get, and everything perhaps happens for a reason and what's important is that you uphold yourself with integrity. liked the twists in the story and though some said it was a lil cliched, i kind of like it, thought it was pretty good.

it's now 12.33 and that means, i suppose, that my birthday has ended. i'm officially more than 20 years of age! i am ready for the world. haha. for more brickbats that come my way.

junyi! posted at 11:55 pm.

i am in a phase where i feel like i am not doing anything useful in my life, that i am wasting the 2 years away. mr pc calls it emptiness. i am inclined to agree. i mean, so much for carpe diem , for making the best of your ns life and to pick up something new. it's not like i didnt try. but i think after some time, you just get jaded, disillusioned, and realise, understand that you are not in any position to be the change, to do good. maybe it's that there are peers ahead of you, in a better position to do things. maybe it's the lack of a love life. maybe after trying for so long to get gold for ippt and almost killing yourself in the process, and then missing the mark by 4 seconds, you are just tired. maybe you're just sore.

alan tells me it's a phase. perhaps it is and after some time that emptiness will be filled by many activities. so right now i have finished the editorial production of a book - it's a book my dad published really and which i am helping out so you can buy a copy. it's really cheap! haha. AND it has already been published so that's pretty exciting. and i have also joined the adjudicating staff for this year's jc debate nationals. which i have found to be rather self-gratifying actually. to finally be in a position to help others improve themselves, to actually contribute to something i actually enjoy. call me weird, power-hungry, whatever, but that's the way things are i guess. it's deprivation from having a choice i think. i am thinking of picking up a new language and driving, but i think i'm a lil scared of failing, and i am very much a procrastinator.

i received 3 birthday presents already! so hurray. and thanks chang, suhas, jonk and my grandma for those wonderful presents.

dinner today with sj, alan, jonk and zee was good, and incredibly funny. apparently we have a name now and given the things that we were discussing, you would have thought we were drunk.

i think i am way too tired. too much thinking for the first time in the past year. must be. which explains why i am typing paragraphs with few sentences.

but i shall end of with some quotes of the week:
"we eat c_ p_____s for breakfast"
"YOU GUYS DONT HAVE SHOWER DOORS! YOU MEAN YOU HAVE BEEN BATHING WITHOUT TOILET DOORS FOR THE pAST ONE AND A HALF YEAR. HOW DID YOU SURVIVE" gasps, hands on face. in absolute shoc
"Arent you a little old for this"
"We shld all go bintan since we all have the bods. or the breasts" the word we was in reference to guys.
"waste my time. nabei."
"publications and porn"


ok without the context they all seem a little weird, maybe even unfunny. but whatever, deal with it.

junyi! posted at 12:32 am.

next week i am going to be forced to cry and i am not looking forward to it.

haha. that sounds like such a suicidal, emo, pyschic, attention-grabbing opening line. but it's true! it wont be emo or suicidal though, just bloody irritating. and it isnt exactly crying - since that has to involve some semblance of emotions, it's mostly just tearing. which sucks.

was sick the most part of last week, and reported sick for the first time in the year. should have done so earlier, but i guess it's always in me to put off reporting sick. o wells. and watched charlie bartlett, which i thought could do better in the script department. it was loads of potential to be more smartass, fast paced and wittier but that just didnt happen and the movie ended up being normal, and not very funny. the start too was a little dry and slow, which had me checking the watch a couple of times. it was however something light and simple for us all to digest, after some serious training. and i guess there is a charlie bartlett in us all, waiting and wanting to be all important, and useful to people around us, and mostly wanting to fit in.

what was more interesting or perhaps exciting in a very warped way is how the rest of the night turned out. it didnt occur to us orchard belonged to the cbd area and we were trying to get a cab at around grange road and no cab wanted to stop for us! how rude. it lends credit to the "you dont see it when you need it most and you see loads of it when you least need it" rep that taxis have. i mean we were even chasing cabs with the green sign and they told us crap like "sorry tampines" or "sorry on call" - if you are on call why dont you just put the bloody on call sign! wat an idiot. but anyway, half an hour later we decided to join a cab queue. and then we ended up late. thankfully there werent any seeming repercussions. i will never go to orchard for a night out again.

and i still cant bowl too - as established at zul's birthday celebration. i THINK there's a slight improvement. but otherwise, i still suck. well, it's a sport, so no surprises there.

on birthdays - it's about 20 days to my birthday! so hurray. people have been asking me what i want and it's always so difficult to answer that, so here's some sort of a wishlist - dvds: prison break, office, scrubs; belt; clothes: berms, shirts, polos whatever, i dont have that good a taste anyway (window shopping yesterday was quite funny, in a everything also "very nice" by gy kind of way - and it was a good way to lose those calories from the buffet); books. but anyway i figured these arent exactly very cheap or very precise so really anything would do (although this could mean weird presents or freebies haha) , even a card or something.

i was thinking the other day, and i think i am terrible at maintaining relationships.

and there's something about the past couple of weeks, that put me in a blogging mood. but i cannot put my finger to it. maybe it's the return of suhas and chang.

junyi! posted at 10:18 pm.