wat can i say? this time last year, i was sitting in front of my computer, creating this very blog, fulfilling a promise that i have given to a few of the other debaters - to create a blog if we win. Fast forward one year on, same place, same opponent, same time - this time, just a different verdict.

i dont noe. i feel really sad. not because they havent done well or wat, but sad simply because i feel they deserved so much better. I never thought tt i could become so attached to this bunch of people, but after yesterday, i do realise tt i wanted them to win real bad.

i have always been good at hiding how i felt about certain things. i may be angry inside, i may be upset inside, but i seldom ever show it. i can let you continue pouring cold water over me, but i can still SHOW tt i can still take it, i still put on a damn bloody happy facade. but i just couldnt hide it yesterday, and tt was the time when the rest needed us most... but wat could we say, we all noe how they felt, we have been thru it before, and for anyone to get over this kind of things, they all just need some time.

i remember 2003, where both jgs teams did not even progress past the preliminary stages. we were all sad, wondering how we ever are going to win back the shield. i remember the first competition i spoke for, HC invitationals. i screwed up, i cost them the shield. i remember nus challenge shield where i never did speak in, i remember vjc invitationals, where resolution 2004 was born. i remember jgs round 1, where chens nicely refused to reveal the scoresheet, coz i knew i probably screwed up. and suhas was right, even if i had spoken in the 2nd round, i would never have been ranked. yes, i guess i do have my fair share of disappointments.

i remember end of last year, after the testimonial debate with the team, we got to know sarala better and she was and still is a really consultative coach. she asked my opinion on the team set-up, and i recalled it had been done via numerous phone-calls and sessions with the guys over a long 2 months. and then i began coming down, since after all, i really had nothing much to do, since it seemed to me that i was of some use there, though i m not very sure if i really was of any help. But it probably were these sessions with them that created the sense of attachment with them. Hearing them whine, when teams were in the process of being decided, watching them grow, and hearing them whine -again and more- when sarala wasnt around and they din dare do it to paul. sigh. there's jus one thing i want to and can say, and that is i have seen you all grow from where you were 1, 2 years ago... and u all have gone a far way. no one can say that they are not proud of you.

i dont noe y i m writing all this here. I was jus thinking and thinking of all that has been happening. I thought of the past, and thought given the circumstances where this blog was born and wat has just happened yesterday, over the past few weeks and months, perhaps this is a good time to talk about this.

to many, perhaps i m jus this insensitive person. but for now, tho i hv never said this ever into your face before, you guys rock ... the teams, and above all sarala - thank you for a great 4 months or so.

here's to all the people out there feeling sad out there ...

CHEER UP. ((:

junyi! posted at 11:28 am.

here's an update: my pw group has got kenneth nah, jiayuan, donna and obviously - me. havent really worked wif them before - but as usual, always being so ever optimistic, m looking forward to a good working relationship with them all.

the ri boys would be fighting it out at srjc in less than 24 hours time. i hope they win. i hope they defend the title.

i had my first house meeting today. no comment.

Wed was jia yuan's bdae, so here's wishing him a happy birthday. And given that Nash's bdae's is in 30 minutes time (press time ... lol), happy birthday too!

I wonder y there r so many april babies out there.

junyi! posted at 11:27 pm.

to all those hu remembered & wished me happy bdae ... tk u. Esp samjo, alan, jonk, zee n ccc. :) the pouch's really nice. haha.

the petition is going pretty well. hv gathered 60 signatures already. process a little slow ... but will hv to make do with it since each individual would have to actually read the letter before signing it. it's basically abt the hse capt selection process n we want fresh elections 2 choose ppl hu r at the very least interested as our hse capt. those hu want 2 sign but hv not signed it as yet ... juz look for me or maybe ccc or samjo to get it signed to sh0w support ... :)

Somehow i cant understand y some ppl refuse to sign it BECAUSE there r implications involved. I wont blame them if they DONT believe in wat was mentioned in the letter. But i think there it is really silly for them to not sign it coz they feel tt they wld get into trouble - coz firstly - wat can council really do to u? and 2ndly, u obviously arent standing up for wat u believe in. and anyway ... 3rdly, the letter wasnt tt harsh. i shld think it already is done in quite a calm and measured tone (u shld hv seen the first draft). as it is, i think it really was a reflection of the students view ... which kinda explained y certain ppl (most from moor especially) signed it without any hesitance.

Anw ... tks samjo, ccc, alan & nash 4 all the input and help thus far. (:

chem spa 2ml! sigh. it's chem everywhere.

junyi! posted at 5:01 pm.

hello everybody! I HAVE OFFICIALLY TURNED 17. ((: That is indeed extremely exciting, dont u think so? Don't ask me y ... i juz think it is. When u r 17 ... u can ... Wait. What turns legal when u become 17? Seems like nothing. Doesnt matter. It is still exciting. Haha.

This kind of silly entry comes into existence especially when you are junyi (who was incidentally born 17 years agon) and when you r still up at some unearthly hour trying desperately to do some chem. *curses *curses

I cant believe it. There's still so much to do.

junyi! posted at 1:22 am.

O well. Finally an end to the week - at least the school week. really tired now, have been sleeping really late the past few days - thereby resulting in me waking up really late today - i basically woke up at 0730 but still managed to b in school by 0740 (tks to mom) and so maybe today isnt tt bad after all.

Yesterday was a sad day for 1S03W. We shall all remember tt day as one full of scoldings. I dont like being scolded. But i dont deny tt we didnt really deserve it. Maybe it is time tt we really pull up our socks.

Besides a whole series of scoldings by sze yi (who scolded us for half an hour without stopping), yam khoon & ter yue (who screamed/yelled/insert verb here at us for the first time), nothing much has happened since the last entry.

Anyway, here's a discovery: MOE has sent a ruling tt teachers r not allowed to sent students out of class! maybe tt kinda explains y teachers walk out instead.

Next week wld b a pretty eventful one - of course starting with Sunday being my birthday. But besides tt, there wld b the most dreaded chemistry spa on tuesday where time would remain a factor as always. It really doesnt make sense y we r only given like an hour to complete our SPA when in the event tt we work as researchers in the future, we wld b given days to work on some research - and in the event tt one cannot complete it within the 8 working hours, he still has the option of doing it into the night. Of course, in the spirit of working fast, thinking fast (something tt i came out wif for moe given tt we nv seem to hv enough time for exams half the time), it probably makes sense for us to do the experiment in a time-controlled fashion. On wed there wld b debates elections (i think) & u-14 comp; as well as SPIC - n i havent decided which i shld go for. Of course, there wld b a most exciting debates finals with ri vs acs(i) on fri at some school tt i havent checked. This sounds like what's on this week doesnt it?

I digress. And there's a ton of work to do - chem tut for mon and pw on thurs and the other tuts to b covered during lessons.

argh. talking about project work, hv decided to deal with the sweden's home detention system ... which does seem remotely interesting ... While researching, i found this article which kinda gave me creeps ... here's an excerpt (disclaimer: can b disturbing to some):

'My name is Rodney Hulin and I work at a retirement home here in Beaumont, Texas. I am here today because of my son. He would be here himself if he could . . . . But he can't because he died in [an adult prison]. . . . [At age seventeen], my son was raped and sodomized by an inmate. The doctor found two tears in his rectum and ordered an HIV test, since up to a third of the 2,200 inmates there were HIV positive. Fearing for his safety, he requested to be placed in protective custody, but his request was denied because, as the warden put it, "Rodney's abuses didn't meet the 'emergency grievance criteria.'" For the next several months, my son was repeatedly beaten by the older inmates, forced to perform oral sex, robbed, and beaten again. Each time, his requests for protection were denied by the warden. The abuses, meanwhile, continued. On the night of January 26, 1996--seventy-five days after my son entered Clemens--Rodney attempted suicide by hanging himself in his cell. He could no longer stand to live in continual terror. It was too much for him to handle. He laid in a coma for the next four months until he died'

it's sad ... these things tt happen. o wells. M in the library right now so shall move back to working on my pw pi. no 1 seems to b released so early. i m getting stupider by the day. Nothing enters tt head of mine.

junyi! posted at 2:24 pm.

argh. it's a bad week. terrible and horrendous. got tons of work tt i MUST do.

council elections - ballotting was on on Mon. and there was a really silly person hu assumes to 'respect the entir voting process' we hv to keep 'our votes confidential' ... which is really stupid coz i never tot tt my right to vote just took away my right to expression - coz i cant tell ppl supposedly hu i voted for. so stupid. they hv to keep my vote confidential - but i dont hv to. nvm. it doesnt really matter.

yeo yam khoon scolded us n walked out of class. yea. we probably deserved it lah. sigh. MORE WORK TO DO ...

GOT TO DO WORK NOW... ARGH.

o. tt reminds me. the stupidest comment ever - 'because there is a change in identity, we MUST change the name of the institution. wif u all distorting how the uniform shld b worn, u all r changing the identity of the college. u might as well change the name of the college to RJC 2 then -- to prove tt it is diff.' By tt ... she basically is juz saying tt we shld never move wif the times, and if we ever do, we hv to change the names of watever we r representing. o, and of course, she apparently has an issue wif how ppl wear their uniforms - erm, lyke how any other normal person would. i digress. to protect her from mocking, her identity wld b kept anonymous.

it's back to project work.

junyi! posted at 9:02 pm.

i kinda realised tt this blog isnt as updated as it ought to be -- given the previous 2 entries per week kind of thing. Yea. But havent exactly been free - or rather at home much this week ... Not much happened i guess. Jeanne walked out of class yesterday. U14 came and went on wed. Ppl were campaigning 2 get our votes 2 get into council and the boys just won uwc at jgs semi-finals on a 3-2 split.

Besides tt, u cld say nothing much happened. O yes, i did chem mock spa and failed to do any calculations watsoever after doing titration for a grand total of NINE TIMES!

After a whole series of rejections (with another one juz adding to the list) ... it seems funny how ppl r coming to me commenting on how i had 'decided to concentrate on debates' or expressing bewilderment in me 'choosing not to join council' ... i dun really care much anymore ... n i shall juz b a normal student of raffles. Ppl have come and gone giving all sorts of theories abt y some of us (mostly debaters) din get in ... yea ... but i guess there is not much of a use now is there?

i hv lots to say abt the entire council elections set-up ... but juz in case ppl accuse me of being a sour grape, i think i shall reserve my comments to myself -- all i hv to say is, i simply dont agree wif the choosing of the house captain - and hearing how the campaign setup is like for other schools, i muz say ours seriously lacks a lot of stuff.

Like it means a lot.

Ytd was particularly memorable - since it really brought back memories for we ppl hu in ajit's words, hv '2 weeks more' before we no longer r called the defending champs. haha. but yea. great to see the 7 guys from the batch of 04 coming down - of course unless u count the one gautam hu has never been down part of us. But yea, chatted among ourselves abt everything and anything - from the serious to the not-so-serious, cheered and sang on the roads of sengkang - yea and many other stuff tt we debaters r crazy enough to do.

ri vs acs(i) finals. I hope the boys win - again. Wheeeeee.

jc life seems so short.

__________________________

It was funny how when jeanne called zwitt 'sharon' and we all expressed surprise on how jeanne was sharon's teacher, she-who-should-not-be-named-but-noes-hu-she-is said 'but tt cant be true, sharon says she has a good econs teacher!'

Unfortunately, jeanne din find it funny.

But tt was on mon and tt wasnt y she walked out of class

__________________________

I found this in time and indeed, found it pretty good

'We're not supposed to know when we peak. It might have been when you still had a job, or when you were 16, but we always soldier on by fooling ourselves that the best is still ahead'

'And even though I know in my heart that my greatest seuccess will always lie in my past, there's till a part of my brain that hopes I will one day achieve such great things I'll be rich and famous'

Indeed, well said.

__________________________

A week or so left b4 i turn 17. Maybe things will get better. Maybe all tt hv just happened r all blessings in disguise. Or maybe, i get too optimistic sometimes.

junyi! posted at 11:49 am.

happy (belated) birthday zwitterion.

tt said, there hv been comments recently about how the previous entry was pretty angsty ... which i kinda agree with. Yep, but it is time to move on. No point harping on the past. Just that i probably will never forget.

tks for all the concern and all, really appreciate it. besides the fact that i realised i received any rejection from moe abt my moe scholarship application, i m ok, since moe did try to console me by claiming how i was 'selected for the taiwan immersion programme' for my 'excellent O level results'.

which leads me to wonder how moe can pride itself in providing its students with a wide classroom and great learning opportunities, but where applications like these will soon be part and parcel of our lives in the future, they fail to inform us of what went wrong in the application, on why they chose to reject us without apparently even giving us an opportunity to be interviewed. If i was interviewed, and i din get it, it probably just meant that i kinda sucked (as like council - bert the soab so wanted us to think) and all. But when i met with all the criteria in the instructions, i dont c y they din even give me a chance to be interviewed. After all, my parents r no political activists or opposition members, and some ppl hu got thru to interview hv the same no. of a1s as me.

The past week has been fairly interesting busy. Went to ri almost everyday ... or was it everyday? to help those clowns. Team 1 won scgs1 while team 2 lost out to uwdc. well done team 1, work hard on the things we hv consistently told u to work on. There is still a need for u on to work on these. As for team 2, i noe some of u r really upset by the loss, but seriously, i tot u ppl hv done really well and going into the q-finals isnt really an easy thing to do as it is. Yea, and all the stuff tt i hv said to u on fri nite. All in all, u ppl still hv a long way to go and i hv moved on, and so shld all of u, simply put - dont harp on the past. All of u hv grown a lot over the past 2 years, since we saw u in trials - and i muz say, as a debater and as a person, u ppl hv definitely been more mature thinkers - whether a better person shall b another thing to b seen.

sarala wld b back only on mon i think. And i kinda realised being (remotely) in charge of 10 absolutely easily-distracted, hyperactive, (fit in other adjectives and/or expletives ... haha), boys isnt easy. Seeing things in her perspective, her job is really one that is indeed fatal / stress-inducing ...

the class had bonding sessions in the lab during gp, and there was a sudden surge in activity in all our friendster accounts ... haha. it was, all in all, time rather well spent. haha.

alrite. bio test - which i m almost definitely going to fail - wld b on tuesday. Shall go off now to START studying for it, though i m kinda sure tt i wld start doodling on my notes in less than 10 mins or so.

junyi! posted at 10:44 am.

junyi! posted at 2:17 pm.

O well. M in a good mood really. Extremely pleased with how both teams r doing. Indeed, all efforts have not gone to waste. At this stage, I dont think any commentary of the debates is really necessary and so i shall do none. But they have done well. N i cant help feeling a tad envious of them. A gathering of sorts the event was - an event that pulled the debaters from the batch of 2004 together. It's amazing how all of us RI seniors actually cancelled all appointments, dinners and all juz to watch these people. All, except gautam. But that really isnt the point. But coming to this, attending such stuff does bring back memories. On another note, JING SONG, U STILL OWE ME $10. I HOLD U RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RETURN OF MY MONEY. (sounds familiar eh) .Quarter finals is on next week, so looks like another hectic week for all of us.

The past week has been busy, working no doubt, but not working on studies but on the cases of these people. So i m almost definitely sure that given my short attention span in lectures and my lack of discipline and time, i m going to fail a fourth test (fourth - becoz i realised tt i din fail my econs test after all, factoring in my mcq, which thus requires a need to remove the word -consecutive-). I.e. the up and coming bio test which until now, the only thing i noe probably is zwitterion - thanks to zwitterion yap herself. But i dont think i m complaining - much anyway, for as zul puts it, 'i'm sure u would want to busy yourself', and that i guess very much so.

Had council's interview a few days back - really too lazy to do any counting. Wasnt fantastic. Wasnt anything worth talking about. I sometimes wonder how interviewers make decisions if they ask standard questions, most of the time expecting standard questions. I think that the kind of questions asked do need variation, and probably a tad more creativity. Have no idea if i wld get in or not, wld juz let nature take its course and if i do, they probably decided that i din do THAT badly and decided to give me a chance rather than i did EXCEPTIONALLY WELL and deserved the chance.

I learnt so much the past few days. Not in terms of academic knowledge gained, but juz by talking to ppl, getting to noe them better and all and understanding various perspectives. There r indeed all sorts of different people around.

On a sad but uninteresting note, my zen micro is now spoilt. So no music for at least quite some time.

O yes, and yesterday was april's fool day. Did nothing spectacularly foolish or funny, but i juz have to take my hat off to the master of such stuff - suhas malhotra! He amazingly masterminded a prank on 2 of the brightest indians in Singapore - ramana & lokesh, with their 10 a1s. Typing out the whole prank would probably do the mastermind no credit and may probably even lead to misrepresentation, so yeah, if u r ever interested to know what happened juz ask suhas. And if u can ask me if u want but i would probably be extremely uninteresting ... relatively at least.

O well. su hui has flown to france, both ri teams broke 2nd and 3rd. I still havent gotten to know most of the new ppl better. And for a person like me who has no life on weekends, let's juz say tt ytd cld very well be an end to a most interesting week.

junyi! posted at 2:06 pm.