for some reason i havent been very motivated in planning my own birthday party. at certain points of time i ask myself what's the point, or is there even such a need. but as with all things, once you choose to embark on something, you can hardly turn back. but what is it for really? to prove to yourself that you have made many friends the past 21 years? to get people to celebrate your successes achieved in the past 21 years? or is it just an excuse to get people to meet up, people who might otherwise feel that there isnt a reason to meet up in other circumstances. Perhaps it is the act of finally planning something for myself, and wanting to celebrate it with people who you think mean something to you, in your life, in one way or another.

And that's when all the insecurities set in and you think about your relationships with the people around you - people who you havent met in a year - what do they mean to you, people who you havent had contact with in a year - what do you mean to them. Are you just a weirdo who thinks you are a friend but to them they think, seriously what friends? And then there're those you dont quite care about and wonder if you should invite them out of political correctness, otherwise they might feel upset. but i think it could be us overrating ourselves. who are we to be capable of making someone feel upset? Ah, birthday parties, like human relationships are complicating.

Well humans are complicating people themselves. The aware saga has highlighted to us as much. And while the picture is still at best fuzzy, i think it rude and suspicious how a group of people choose to infiltrate the ruling body of a group and seek to do an overhaul of the values system. If this is a group that has achieved international standing, why are the new rulers choosing to hide themselves behind a veil of secrecy, mystery and supposed righteousness and democracy. i mean from what it seems they look like christian fundamentalists who seek to change the values of a group that they might feel to go against the proper rights of the women that should be championed. and they think that an inner voice has bestowed upon them the duty to infiltrate this group and change the world. if they have what it takes, they ought to set up their own group and promote their own set of values and even challenge that of aware. yet it is fuzzy and perhaps unfair to question their motivations when they havent exactly espoused on their stand. yet you cant blame the media since they are the ones who reject the opportunity to explain themselves. i never expected this issue to escalate into such a huge one such that it has been dominating the prime section of the papers daily, but it perhaps highlights how much aware has done since it had been established, that people actually know about it and are concerned about how it will evolve with the 'infiltration' of the old guard.

a month vacation beckons me, i ought to find something interesting or maybe meaningful to do.

junyi! posted at 3:40 pm.