today was really bad. m in a bad mood really and it wasnt even because of the abysmmal ct results released.

i lost a debate book - my first one i used. AND i realised i lost all my debate stuff - most of it at least after i tot i burnt it on cd but i din actually and went on to reformat the whole bloody computer. i dunno. great debaters wld prolly call this an overreaction since they never keep their cases anyway but to me i guess it tracks my progress, my team's (wtv team i hv been in) progress and experience. i dunno. they are memories. they are resources. and they are all really impt to me. so m really pissed with myself over how careless i can get. irksome.

then there's ihg too. whereby everything seems to get wrong. whereby nothing seems to interest the school anw! spent an hour or so at council room arguing / debating / talking about it with dani and gautam. in a sense a rather heated debate it was. if anything, it only gets me more worried about how the whole thing would turn out.

then there's a debate agst the school team 2ml tt suhas says we mus do well in. makes sense i guess or we wld b wasting the team's time.

aiya. everything seems so bad. sometimes i shld jus b a normal student and just study and give everything up. maybe i cld b smarter that way. but yet again i would probably have committed suicide by then.

sigh. sometimes i wish that something i do for once would go well. and i dont mean just well. i mean lyke an overwhelming success.

EDIT: It's now 12. AND i jus realised tt the debate starts at the unearthly hour of 7 pm tomorrow. not really unearthly cos i wouldnt b asleep by then. BUT STILL ... i wouldnt want to b in sch till lyke this time especially when i hv to factor in PW... nvm it's ok. i m doing a good deed. i believe in karma. :] So junyi shant complain too much.

ANW ... i was just thinking ... the day i stop becoming random and crazy and at times -bitchy- (for the lack of a better word. sorry ms D ... u got to think of a substitute word for this or i cant find a better adjective to suit it), i wld stop becoming myself. it's like suhas' moustache u know. some things are just such an integral part of u that when u charge it, u kinda lose the thing(s) that defines you. think about it - what really defines you? And will you, maybe one day, change it?

junyi! posted at 10:03 pm.