in more ways than one, i m hoping for things to happen. i hope things will start changing.

anw was looking thru the papers and found this rather funny.

"My life is like a Hollywood blockbuster - every year, every event, it is either an adaptation, remake or sequel to something of the past"

Hai. The results for CTs came out so long ago but i just showed my dad my results and no surprises whatsoever - scolding, grounding what not. It is depressing really these results, and i guess i m deserving of such punishments. tho cts1 was so long ago, the very reminder of the results again for some reason has got me more upset than before, perhaps because more time has been spent thinking abt it, catalysed by rather strong words by people in my family.

and so cts2 is coming as well. and i do hope i do better this time. really really. i havent done well at all in rj ever and i m beginning to question whether it's cos i m stupid and olevels and psle were jus super easy, or if i m jus lazy, or if i have jus been unlucky. and i jus hope that i can prove myself. soon. at a levels. but sooner than that.

so i have been grounded. and now continue searching for excuses. but i suppose wat jonk said is qte rite. one day i m going to run out of excuses. and i guess i shall just wait for that day to come. meanwhile this just means tt i cant go out - not like i have anw, and i dont really understand it cos my poor results r never because i have been going out too much. how many movies do i watch a month? how many times do i actually detour from my usual route of home-school? how often do i even go out on weekends.

i realised i have been grounded all my life anyway. i m running out of excuses so i can no longer go out at night. afternoon excuses r easier to come up with. i m sorry i m such a big liar. lying is morally wrong.

but argh. in many ways i m really frustrated with myself. and in many ways, at many points of time i just dont understand what's happening ard me. so then the outlet of expression comes thru being mean to others, thru saying things that wld so obviously piss ppl off. and. so i apologise if i have in the past week been a prick and offended your sensibilities. any1 of u anyway.

but y apologise anw? cos somehow i know that i am going to do it again and then apologise again. apologies normally constitute the fact tt u know u r in the wrong and tt you will not do it again isn't it.

aiya. i m not thinking straight. i m a retard.

junyi! posted at 8:45 pm.