wat can i say? this time last year, i was sitting in front of my computer, creating this very blog, fulfilling a promise that i have given to a few of the other debaters - to create a blog if we win. Fast forward one year on, same place, same opponent, same time - this time, just a different verdict.

i dont noe. i feel really sad. not because they havent done well or wat, but sad simply because i feel they deserved so much better. I never thought tt i could become so attached to this bunch of people, but after yesterday, i do realise tt i wanted them to win real bad.

i have always been good at hiding how i felt about certain things. i may be angry inside, i may be upset inside, but i seldom ever show it. i can let you continue pouring cold water over me, but i can still SHOW tt i can still take it, i still put on a damn bloody happy facade. but i just couldnt hide it yesterday, and tt was the time when the rest needed us most... but wat could we say, we all noe how they felt, we have been thru it before, and for anyone to get over this kind of things, they all just need some time.

i remember 2003, where both jgs teams did not even progress past the preliminary stages. we were all sad, wondering how we ever are going to win back the shield. i remember the first competition i spoke for, HC invitationals. i screwed up, i cost them the shield. i remember nus challenge shield where i never did speak in, i remember vjc invitationals, where resolution 2004 was born. i remember jgs round 1, where chens nicely refused to reveal the scoresheet, coz i knew i probably screwed up. and suhas was right, even if i had spoken in the 2nd round, i would never have been ranked. yes, i guess i do have my fair share of disappointments.

i remember end of last year, after the testimonial debate with the team, we got to know sarala better and she was and still is a really consultative coach. she asked my opinion on the team set-up, and i recalled it had been done via numerous phone-calls and sessions with the guys over a long 2 months. and then i began coming down, since after all, i really had nothing much to do, since it seemed to me that i was of some use there, though i m not very sure if i really was of any help. But it probably were these sessions with them that created the sense of attachment with them. Hearing them whine, when teams were in the process of being decided, watching them grow, and hearing them whine -again and more- when sarala wasnt around and they din dare do it to paul. sigh. there's jus one thing i want to and can say, and that is i have seen you all grow from where you were 1, 2 years ago... and u all have gone a far way. no one can say that they are not proud of you.

i dont noe y i m writing all this here. I was jus thinking and thinking of all that has been happening. I thought of the past, and thought given the circumstances where this blog was born and wat has just happened yesterday, over the past few weeks and months, perhaps this is a good time to talk about this.

to many, perhaps i m jus this insensitive person. but for now, tho i hv never said this ever into your face before, you guys rock ... the teams, and above all sarala - thank you for a great 4 months or so.

here's to all the people out there feeling sad out there ...

CHEER UP. ((:

junyi! posted at 11:28 am.