it has been a while. a long time in fact. the last post was law camp, and many a time i was tempted to post something, but i got lazy. the net effect i think is that i stop writing so much, and my standard of english has gone down the drain. with one marker commenting i need help. sadness. doesnt help much i think that i haven't been coaching so the argumentation skills are lacking. i think.

much has happened the last time, ups and downs that have kept me busy. but i think elections fever always gets me thinking and find a need to rant and write it down. it's the only time the people are 'that powerful' i think. only time that people seem to want to communicate with us. haha.

it's interesting, watching the various political parties come alive again. a hive of activity there has been, cept i havent actually seen anyone. although news are aplenty. and i find interesting the latest pap strategy - it's the same old, no change, stick to what has gotten them in power the past 50 years. upgrading, threats, great grc system that ensures the ministers keep their places, "regretting". how much will it take them, to realise that all that the people want, is this willingness to listen, to recognise that there are problems, the ground isnt as sweet as the statistics tell you and give the voters the voice that they deserve. is there a need to dangle the 'upgrading' carrot? how about beefing up your assistance scheme for people who need it? How about channeling more funds to reduce this income disparity? Yea there are more jobs than takers, but how about looking behind the numbers and identifying the quality of jobs?

sure, i think there's that concern that the bunch arent going to be that competent. drains will remain clogged, their municipal duties are not carried out effeciently, their argumentation aren't as strong. but i guess sometimes when we balance everything out and we want people to wake up their idea. maybe we know that it is time we take a leap of faith. unless we are convinced that they recognise the problems, and show that willingness to listen.

junyi! posted at 3:10 pm.

i thought it's perhaps time to write something about lcamp2010, if anything to write something so years from now I can have something to look at, to remember, when i start forgetting, when i want to get in touch with how i felt immediately or in close aftermath of the camp.

already i'm starting to forget - but perhaps what I will never forget is the stress level, the smiles, the talking, the intense amount of paperwork. it's interesting really, how people have talked so much about my experience and all, but this is the first time i actually ran a camp, the first time i'm like in the chair. it's quite different i think. when youre vice you check back on everything, you don't actually face the pressure of having to make the decisions, you support more than do, and you can choose to focus on things you actually like (even though it's delegated to you but you still get to choose). in the chair, you need to be involved in everything, but then that could be because i like to be involved in everything, i want to know exactly what's going on. which doesnt bode well for my stress level i guess. haha.

well. what a journey it has been. it all started with being rejected as focc chair (haha yes i shall still harp on it), and then trying to figure out what i really wanted to do, knowing there are some things that i wanted to be involved in, but never thinking i would actually end up being the chair for the camp. and then i was asked. to join focc, but not knowing what yn wanted me to do so i settled for what i thought i have always been good at. applying to be his vice. and then people started asking me to consider being the chair for law camp. and zul reminded me that i have been vice for too long.

aside from the random moments where i felt like i was sinking, i dont think i would have settled for vice after all, although undoubtedly focc vice's of a higher rank and everything. but with lcamp it was way more awesome in terms of creative direction and all. and i guess as a sucker for work and stress, it was prob all for the best. haha yn i think at this point of time would say, "i told you so" - i rmb the teleconversation with him when yk got with jr and i complained that vices get the action and the benefits and he pointed out well i'm sure you'll have more fun with law camp. haha guess he's right.

looking at all the photos, i really miss it now. i still think of how some things didnt materialise. but am really glad with how some things turned out, and the many surprises along the way. so i guess rather than continue regretting, perhaps it would be better to remember the best of things, and move on. no one's going to remember the team that created the memories, much less the chair, but perhaps we all owe it to ourselves to remember these beautiful memories we have created for ourselves. for who are we, if not for what we have done, and what we remember?

okay enough cheesy lines - some fantastic memories, some not so fantastic but still memorable, some stressful moments

- filming. oh detective jun. what a blast it has been haha. that was one hell of a stressful 2 weeks, packing everything together post exams and filming in between 2 dry runs. but still detective jun was so fun. haha got to unleash my inner geek, be more irritating than i already am (and you wouldnt think of it as possible), write one part of the storyline, play a judge, create a story. haha if i wasnt the chair i would have joined storyline i think. and i thank kurosaki for helping me fulfill this dream. haha. oh the indulgence. and the tension on the set. but acting's always pretty fun. and detective jin was an awesome partner to work with. haha i'm sure if there was best chemistry we would have won it. haha 3rd storyline, and my favourite character so far. though i won't say it and pretend to hate it. but well, that was fun.

- night court. haha i'm going to have to watch the video again but it was quite funny creating a tense character for myself to make the already tense mood more intense. snapping at people, frowning etc. part of it was an act, part of it was just unleashing what i would have normally kept within me. but it was interesting how people reacted to it - bitching behind your backs, apologising profusely. ah and the shouting. oh dear. i think i am a bad person. i actually enjoy these!

- the tense moments. ah. unfortunately the down side of the job, although i think the sadomasochistic tendencies in me actually enjoyed that. walking around. asking for answers, looking busy. i think there was a point of time when everything was running smoothly and i felt so bored standing around eating my nasi lemak. the down side i guess is that at the actual fun moments, i couldnt enjoy them. ah like the old cliches go, you cannot have your cake and eat it.

- getting sick. horrid horrid. and then i just locked myself in my room. thinking how everything is going to end. relieved, sick, tired and sick. i think i needed that though. that quiet moment. and perhaps that would explain why i wasnt as emotional as i thought i would have been at the closing.

- ah speaking of closing then. a little bad blood here and there, people pulling out of performances (and hosting - though that was of no fault of theirs). the transport company pulling out. makes you remember why they say to always have black and white and the existence of lawyers helping to ensure world peace. i digress. but i'm truly amazed that we actually pulled it off! not much rehearsals, a lot of last minute decisions, which i had hoped need not have been made. but wow. i really wished i had more time to work on everything, but i think of all the ceremony-ish stuff i have planned. this actually came out the best. next stop. ndp. haha i jest. but i hope one day, i'll really be able to pull something like this (10 times the scale) off again. although all credit has to go to zul & james this time round.

- still on closing. i'm never going to forget how yn flashed the CV on screen. that moment where i wasnt even paying attention to his speech and instinctively turned to clap! oh boy oh boy. indulgent.

- but i really liked how the year 2s came out at the end. would have liked it done in a more orderly fashion. and give credit to everyone. till now i still regret not thanking the subcomm ics, so irks to that. but i'm going to remember the walkin and i really loved the ending. many thanks to zul & the band for agreeing to my indulgences. my speech sucked btw haha. should have prepared it better.

- and many other random memories - the knocking of doors, late night chitchat. i regret not getting to know the ogls much better though. guess everyone was always too tired and loved their og more haha.

sigh i miss it. but it's time to move on i guess. next up lsc. and i dedicate this post to yongneng, who i got to know through this camp, and had enough courage to put me in charge. and hence provided me with such fantastic memories, ahhh and power.

and also to everyone else who made law camp possible - the comm, the councillors, the ogls, focc, year 1s etc.

what an eventful semester. and i'm just pretty thankful that everything is working out fine.

junyi! posted at 12:24 am.

it has been such a long time. since the last entry. so much has happened, so much has changed. It's funny. how uni's supposed to be 4 years long, but everything seems to be moving so so quickly. sometimes i wish to myself i have enough time to stop and take a deep breath. that's why we have long breaks i guess. and more sane holidays than the medicine ppl i would suppose. in that sense i am thankful for that trip on royal Caribbean - in a way, i was actually hoping that the holiday wouldnt stop. cos i really needed that break.

it hasnt been a good 2010 so far though - my team's poor performance has left me incredibly jaded. there is a need now to reevaluate my performance as a coach - and it's really pretty upsetting, to finish a one and a half year stint with nothing to show. i dont like losing, and i dont like doing something without having left an imprint in the hearts and minds of the kids, of the teams. and so i dont like the fact that i am failing. it's a terrible feeling. and then there's my own academics - as if juggling isnt enough, i cant seem to focus on my work. laww camp has been a constant source of distraction too - in a good way since i actually enjoy what i'm doing - but therein lies the problem. when i'm actually passionate about something, i end up prioritizing it first, thinking of ideas to improve it, in the middle of a case or a chapter. it's terrible. and i guess i should learn to reprioritize. move law camp to no.2 and finding a girlfriend to end my 22 years of loneliness to no.1. I jest of course. haha.

Speaking of 22, i cant believe i'm turning 22 soon! i still vividly remember my 21st birthday, and argh TIME IS RUNNING OUT, too fast too fast. i just need it to stop.

Happy cny ladies and gentlemen. with love, i'm going to have success in my studies, my various projects, love and everything else.

junyi! posted at 1:34 am.

i am surprised, to say the very least, that obama was awarded the nobel peace prize. considering we havent seen much tangible efforts coming from him, and all we have seen are promises for shift in speeches, nicely crafted speeches and tons of charisma. 9 months in the job an you get a nobel? i must say, standards have dropped (or changed however you want to put it) or he is one hell of a remarkable man. and i am just a poor judge of a person's achievements (i am after all, just a first year legal student vis-a-vis the combined age, wisdom and income of the panel - i'm not even one percent probably! i might be exaggerating but you get my point)

So speaking of legal student, i'm at week 8 already, and i thought perhaps i should talk about the BOOMS events that have happened the past few weeks. the chinese find 8 an auspicious number, i would like you to think it is why i only began to contribute an entry at this time - but it's really that i havent been finding the motivation to write an entry. after all we write and read so much, you dont want to engage in brainy activities all the time. I thought since i used the word BOOMS here i should give ris low some (albeit limited) airtime here, and my 2cents worth is that she really is this enthralling lady who has gripped the entire nation! not since erm, the nyp tammy has there been so much focus on a single lady on her video. she only need a second video, some kind of sex video to top tammy and become a national icon or something. but amazing, she has even created new words for our singlish calendar! not since phua chu kang has an individual been able to do that. i mean even professors are using her words now. if she were smarter she would probably get a trademark for the word. having not done copyright and trademarks though i do have a feeling it isnt that easy haha.

So i digress, in giving ms low a paragraph. this blog is after all ALL ABOUT ME. law school the past 8 weeks have been quite a bit of work. time seems to go so fast and you just feel kinda stressed trying to keep up with your peers, to be adequately prepared for school every week. and the assessments - they're non stop! i'm enjoying it though, just wishing at times that i could afford to put in less work and yet get decent grades. gone are the days where you could just smoke through class pretending to be well read and have everyone listen to you cos they didnt prepare at all anyway haha.

and out of this all, there have been mallal moots, which were quite an eye-opener really. that kept me busy for a while and i am amazed at what a couple of years in law school can do to these people! i would be happy just to be of their standards. but perhaps what we always see are the very best, and there are those that we do not see that we might end up as. and moots do require a lot more work, specialist knowledge and shit from the judge.

i cant think of anything else actually! haha. i probably have been more frivolous than i should have, or perhaps i really have been studying very hard. i kid. it's just that i think i take longer to do my work and end up with little time. but there were those fun moments, like going to orchard to watch nine, realising we got the time wrong then going to vivo and then finding out we got the time wrong again and then sitting down to tc for a couple of hours and then having a rejio. but we never watched nine. cos for the rejio we ended up watching the ugly truth. which was quite funny but you know as with all romantic comedies, predictable. then there was the day we went kboxing. and everyone was treated to my amazing singing. ah that's why i had to cramp everything last week for torts! haha

aside from these perhaps there was mgs u14s which i have to congratulate imran for (winning, not creating little imrans out of them all), and which i am quite relieved with at a time i was questioning (again) my capabilities as a coach. didnt think they could have done that, to surpass my target for them. but it's always good to hear good comments and have some results from all the work one has put in. then there was the series of DA thing that somehow i ended up getting involved in and all of a sudden (with the persuasion, charisma and charm of imran no doubt) i got elected into the exco. it's a lot of work i think, i'm just waiting to see how everything turns out. and hoping everything works out fine.

i think though that i am resigned to a life of no.2. the new f o c c chair was just pointing out to me how he probably got cut some slack cos of his previous positions - house capt for 6 years, head prefect, councillor etc. and i realised i am just like him, except add a vice to all of those. vice head prefect, vice capt, vice president. hell, even for psle score i had to lose to somebody, at a time when everyone was looking at me to top the school. haha. i can't figure out what's wrong - maybe i'm only good enough for number 2. which could be the case. ah perhaps this time round i'm just a lil disappointed cos i dont like losing and in previous cases i didnt apply for the top dog position, and i was happy to settle for #2. perhaps what's meant to be is meant to be. there isnt anything wrong with being #2, it just means toiling quietly behind the scenes and being unable to have final say in the direction that is set. OH WELL. we'll just wait and see how everything goes.

i miss being slack with no worries, nothing to do, and just planning holidays. but i remember those days when i couldnt wait for school to start. you cant have your cake an eat it can you? but that said, i wouldnt want to go back to camp and being a man again. there's reservice, but i think that's still slightly better than being a nsf man. haha.

at this point of time i say i dont quite know what i'm saying and i should just end here and ask you to wait for the next entry, perhaps in another 2 months haha.

junyi! posted at 11:55 am.

over the past 8 years or so, the thought of quitting debating for good has crossed my mind. because after winning once, you dont want to go down. you want to keep winning or at least do well enough. for some reason or another, i keep staying, and am now kinda resigned to my absolute lack of achievements the past few years. with the most recent one known a couple of hours ago. perhaps that will happen in a couple of years time, but i am hoping meanwhile, that something good comes out of it while i am in it.

so i was reminded by nash that i havent been updating my blog, it's just that so much is happening and i havent found the time to want to write an entry. but i guess it would be good to chronicle my uni life once in a while so i dont forget the little stuff when i turn old and nostalgic haha. oh i had such grand plans, to create a new blog to mark another phase, since this obviously isnt a cray-immoortal anymore. but oh well, apt name or not, i guess i shall just make do with this for the time being. hell, most of my friends dont even blog anymore!

they say that after a certain age, time seems to fly past you. it used to be only you are having fun. but now, even as i havent had time to have fun and have spent all my time working on stuff or mugging the weeks seem to fly so quickly! Is it really the age thing? Or maybe subconsciously law school has become fun for me? haha i really doubt the latter. not that the former carries much truth though. oh well. so what happened since the last post - there was rag, and then there was school. which in essence sums up the past one month.

rag was an interesting experience, to say the very least. i know i say that about most things. but i guess when you get yourself into things you seldom go away calling it a horrible experience since you always want to tell yourself that you have made the right choice. but the thing is it really wasnt that bad and i personally am amazed at how much i could do! that i actually contributed to that mother big thing that was sewn on stitch by stitch, transported to kent ridge on the most memorable roadtrip i have ever taken (no shit, with tons of foul words and cries for help haha). I didn't actually think i would be able to contribute much to begin with, or have what it takes to commit much. but i guess army has trained me well to follow instructions and do menial stuff. never mind that other floats were very much nicer, i think once you're in something you got to give it all your support and appreciate the efforts of the team. there were of course those very snide comments being passed by people who obviously have loads of confidence in what they do (to make up for the lack of eq) to say what they did, but i guess i am pass caring and have ranted enough about it to comment further. i mean you cant expect law to have just nice people. there needs to exist some kind of balance. i'm not surprised though, since background work is always looked upon with contempt.

and it's now the 3rd week of school, and there has already been so much readings, so much work! i cant say i am having a culture shock, i'm not very surprised to be honest, but it still is one thing to hear and expect it, and another to be immersed in this workload and mugging people. but oh well, to be back in school again! it feels a little good, but still i must complain about the workload.

so i start this semester still feeling that everything that's happening to me is a lil surreal. the knocks are coming and i am getting all my insecurities, fearful that i will become mediocre, will stagnate, will lose all interest in my studies. perhaps this is just my paranoia. perhaps it isnt. only time can tell and i can only hope that time wont be my worst enemy.

junyi! posted at 12:28 am.

and after months of going in between working and slacking, the countdown begins. the countdown to school, where rusty boys return to the books, and attempt to pay attention, amidst the many distractions. it feels a little surreal actually. all these activities coming up. i feel a little overwhelmed, lacking the kind of energy that kept me going when i was in school. strangely enough even as i feel so busy, trying to get a grip of my days before school starts, i feel unproductive. i mean, when i take stock of what i have done at the end of the day, i cant think of myself having done anything of significant value. perhaps with some routine kicking in, it's all going to be different. in many ways i am looking forward to school, yet there is still that slight apprehension going on there - what if i fail my exams, what if this isnt my calling. hopefully, this time next year, i can write something upbeat.

so speaking of new things and being slightly overwhelmed, i am quite surprised at how ion orchard turned out. i must applaud the developers really for developing what i thought is somewhat of a world class shopping centre, comparable to those i have seen elsewhere (never mind i have never ventured out of asia pacific). i think the developers have done their homework, and after the disappointment of iluma, it is good to see this having lived up to its hype. it helps too that all my favourite stores are there and it is so near the mrt station (and my house haha). although i must say, anything from level 1 onwards is a lil scary to venture into without a backbone in your wallet.

in other news, the bombing at indo is shocking, h1n1 has made me lose more than a thousand bucks which sucks, and that goodyear is no longer ceo of temasek is kinda scoffable - although i guess when you find that someone is not your cup of tea it is better to terminate the partnership earlier. i would like to see more details unfold over the next couple of days though. transparency is always good. no more good year. and then there is that one person who has a scandal. just when school is about to start!

and on a personal front, otot was really another nostalgic trip to army! it was really quite hilarious, and though full tank was dry at times, i liked how they raised the issue of msk up - that really was reflective of the views of many singaporeans, and i thought it highlighted how (we think) the management in the defence bodies work. botak boys as a musical was hilarious, although once the focus shifted to the homosexuality theme, i thought it kinda became boring. r & g is dead was complicated, i wouldnt lie to make myself look brilliant, i kinda only got the hamlet part, and i think they were using words too big for me haha, but it was such a huge treat watching cc acting as that subversive slut haha. a platform to be yourself, with no inhibitions huh! haha he was brilliant really. along with a nice ensemble of 'ppl acting the same role' - as jonk exclaimed at the start on seeing the program haha (it wasnt, he was called alfred, as we discovered) it was fun. haha. next stop sing dollar, and given how much it costs, i really hope it's good!

2 weeks to school! i am not prepared!

junyi! posted at 12:46 am.