it sucks because it just does. i dont noe what kind of feeling i m having now - despair, anger, dissappointment ... whatever. it's just that after i have pinned so much hope on certain subjects this time round, i m not improving, in fact regressing. i dont noe what else needs to be done, i mean i dont have control over the fact that the gp marker is stupid. and it sucks to walk out of the examination hall with full confidence of doing reasonably well and yet all you get after a week is a lack of total confidence for a levels with regards to the subject you have worked your ass off.

what else is there to be done? i guess loads. maybe it's an indication that i have not been working hard enough. and so i shall. it's not like me to be defeatist, but academically i think i have become stupider ever since i came to jc. it sucks to be below average because i just dont like it, whereever it is.

i just hope that after infinite times of saying the next one will be better, it will count where it matters - the final lap. i dont noe what else to expect from econs. after one disappointment after another, i think i cant expect too much anymore.

what's left will be the mock exams and the a levels. and i hope this one last time i can do better. AND the cambridge gp markers are smarter. (i noe i sound qte bitter about gp but i must stress that i have NEVER in my entire life failed a freaking essay and that just because we disagree in the the interpretations of the qn does not mean that it warrants a freaking fail.)

many thanks to sinni (: for the happy package, navjote, zul, dnet, kangs & everyone who cheered me up (: AND i hv zhu's criteria for her future life partner!!! haha i will advertise abt it one day.

junyi! posted at 11:12 pm.

it has been a long and draining day. and finally it's over. i think the past few days i have seen a lot, more than i had really wanted to and i remember being qte angry and somewhat disgusted ytd, but o well. perhaps there truly is some good in everyone, but money also brings out the worse in others. it has been a draining 5 days, now it's time to go back to the cleaning of my room and going through my books (:

prelims marking days end today, which means marking is expected to have ended and hence we will be getting back some of the papers tomorrow. The results will probably have little bearing on my future - maybe some for potentially competitive courses that believe A levels are a hoax, or unless i m applying for scholarships or applying for unis early. BUT after studying the hardest i ever had for the past couple of months (maybe past ONE month), it will be encouraging to see that hard work pays off. so though i fear not doing well, in a sense it will be important to sprint through this final round to the final all-important A level examinations. which is a weird analogy really given my track record in everything physical. but nvm.

i have a headache =( and o, happy birthday chenwei (:

junyi! posted at 6:53 pm.

it has been a somewhat weird weekend. and likewise for the next 3 days because something unexpected happened calling for a change of plans but o well.

and weird things happen. like hady's victory of singapore idol. hrm ok i din want him to win. tho he has better vocals. haha but o well i was rooting for him and i dont noe if the class pool thing is still on ... cld hv won a sum if jonathan won instead. damn.

this is absolutely random but i m disgusted by the lack of coverage of raffles schools in the straits times, i really have half a mind to complain cos i find it disgusting how the sportsmen r putting effort to bring glory to the college and the only thing they do is put a small sentence at the end of the story on say the b div champions. i mean fine if u were to talk about academics, it has been noted how there has been coverage in pres scholar, in 25th anniversary so when it comes down to clinching awards u focus on other schools tt have done well and on neighbourhood schools. but i totally do not understand y ac & hc r constantly placed above us in coverage because they r not lacking in coverage as well. it's not that people want to hog the limelight and all, but having a full story on another school and mentioning rj's in passing mention seems to me to be insinuating that our efforts pale in comparison to the one covered in the story.

it's pretty weird cos i m not a sportsman but then i dont like reading about other schools' victory. just a thought anw. a random thought. have been thinking a lot these days. happens when u hvnt been going out much.

my comp sucks cos it cant open avi files. stupid.

sometimes i wished i were busier, not studying but doing things, planning things. there's just that itch.

and lky's comments on chinese in msia has now further exacerbated the straining relationship between singapore and malaysia. i didnt think the comments shld hv been made since it's akin to badmouthing a neighbour and bound to result in some politician to fire a salvo - and given dr m's volatile relationship with badawi he is bound to pressure badawi to do something. BUT i dont think there is no truth in the statement either. i mean, come on it's how obvious that the chinese find it difficult to attend a malaysian university. it is not a secret that msia pursue a bumiputra policy either. but it's msia it's their country, it's not in our position to comment? i dont noe. n i dont think singpaore malays r marginalised either. sometimes the govt even practices some sort of affirmative action in instituting quotas - no i hardly think they r marginalised.

ok i m making random observations today. in a pretty weird mood. and i wonder if anyone has started studying.

junyi! posted at 10:13 pm.

gone

junyi! posted at 11:33 pm.

Prelims are over and it is time for celebration. Ok technically it means that As draw closer, BUT we shall talk about that next week. when i m all depressed over my badly done papers due to my inherent lack of intelligence, diligence and discipline.

BUT, as I said, we shall talk about that next week.

All in all prelims was fine and was a very tiring experience, requiring a huge chunk of money (to buy stationery, 5 pads of writing paper for this preparation, 8 new files, 4 new pens, a cupboardful of tidbits that were finished last week, and to photocopy past yr papers - tho it costs like more than 8 bucks for a movie, money to do recre stuff but that is secondary - it is all about returns to scale u see), discipline (which remains lacking), effort and time.

i think i did try qte hard this time round, found math particularly difficult but otherwise all the other papers were somewhat fine; tho i din complete qte a few qns for all the subjects, BUT tt's all the past, we shant dwell in the past.

today was the first time in ages i actually stoned without feeling guilty. putting aside the fact that i hv jus added pool onto the 10000+ things i m bad at, it was a good feeling. sigh. soon it'll back to work again.

AND I M VERY ANGRY WITH THE GODDAMN THIEF WHO STOLE MY SLIPPERS LAST WEEK. MAY HE/SHE ROT AND DIE FOR CAUSING ME GRIEF, TRAUMA AND INCONVENIENCE IN THE THEFT OF MY SLIPPERS FROM RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND IN THE MIDST OF MY MY MY EXAMS. stupid numbskulls.

i ALSO cannot believe we r graduating in less than a month!

i cannot think of anything interesting to say.

so bbs.

junyi! posted at 10:29 pm.

a revision of math and chem is draining to the mind and soul.

i think at the rate i am going with respect to food intake, i am going to get fat and ugly and suffer from a really bad cholesterol and hence die before i take my a level exams!

at the rate i m going i m not going to do any better this prelims exams. which suck suck suck suck.

and a trip to popular ytd made me wonder how incredulous things can get. I MEAN SOMEONE PUBLISHED A BOOK ON HOW TO SCORE WELL FOR PROJECT WORK?! siao. there was also another book on spa. man the only reason y u wld need these books is if u r a serious noob for pw or u have really horrendous teachers for spa.

on another note, everyone in my class at least is in the midst of writing testis for one another. and it's qte interesting to see how ppl write abt u in the most politically correct manner, focusing only on ur good points haha. and of course suhas writes testimonials in the most frank and sincere manner.

"His crystal clear reasoning and fervently passionate speeches are, to date, as effective in aiding his team win debates as they are in helping him get acquainted with pretty company of the opposite sex."
i dont noe if this is to mean tt i m qte bad at winning debates for the team or otherwise.

"As a friend, as a teammate, as a leader and for all the beautiful women out there, as a soul mate, I recommend GJY from the bottom of my heart."

Haha. so if u need a reccomendation. go to suhas.

i am very tired.

junyi! posted at 10:53 pm.