Milestones and birthdays. Without which a date will just be another day, another mundane day which we fill with our work, our daily routine. The question then we always ask ourselves is how are we going to celebrate, or to commemorate it, and finally end up exposing ourselves to much work and worries.

Yesterday's celebration told me a few things. 1. my fears/anxieties as indicated in the previous post were almost quite unfounded. 2. i have a lot to be thankful for 3. it reminded me why i wanted this in the first place.

having planned stuff for people for the longest time - from house meetings to class outings to ord functions, i have a tendency to constantly put the target audience ahead of anyone else. i want them to walk away with the best memories, to have all the fun they can have. and in that respect i hope that even if this celebration is for me, about me, they all walk away having had a great time, whether it is the food or being able to catch up with many friends. i still dont know how many people come out of political correctness and how many people came for me. but you know what? it doesnt matter anymore, because those who mattered i know, came for me in any case. (:

and the way the whole thing turned out, it far exceeded what i had expected it to be. it reminded me why i wanted this in the first place - to celebrate my birthday amidst incessant chatter, with my family and my friends. and while i didnt get to really sit down and talk to lots of people, i am truly glad that they all came down (dressed up!), interacted with one another and enjoyed the buffet spread. I especially liked how zul tied everything together before the cake-cutting and all - never mind it was last minute, and started off as a remark which he readily acted upon in his usual settle everything in 10 minutes style. it was great, and even if not to you, was awfully heartwarming and touching at times for me.

it was tiring though, trying to get people to reply, deciding on the guest-list, finding a place, ensuring that whatever is negotiated is committed to us, responding to queries, but there's so much to be thankful for. while having a party wasnt because i wanted to collect presents, it is always nice, i admit, to have presents, and thank you so much for the array of presents! how to tell when it's 21 years you are celebrating and that 21 is old? the grown up nature of the presents! haha. from the fashionable to the practical, i loved them all - thank you so much, it is clear that you all put much thought into them and i hope you guys didnt have to spend so much (although from the looks of it it was quite a sum). more that i have to be thankful for is your presence, which really made me happy, and highlighted to me my anxieties really were unfounded, as nash predicted in his card.

thank you too to zul for coordinating the whole cakecutting thing, to the many photographers who ensure that i walk away with many ways to remember that fantastic night - jingsong, james, eugene, my sister, navjote, berwin (and many others not in my line of vision or i forgot), and to those who gave heartwarming off-the-cuff speeches - edwin, navjote, ccc and zul and to those who took the special effort to dressed according to the theme! and of course, like i said, to my parents for everything.

i have so much to say at this point of time, after last night's late night conversation about aware, singapore politics and global affairs, but this post shall be about my birthday and you, and we shall leave those for another time. it was an awesome birthday, i am sorry for the guys who felt that there was an absolute lack of 'female presence', but they're mostly overseas so oh well.

it is my best birthday celebration ever, mainly because it is the first time i had so many friends from various groups come together and join me in this. (although this kind of things cannot be done too often or is seriously over indulgent and extravagant) thank you to all who turned up and most of all because i dont often find an opportunity to say things like that - thank you a whole lot for the past few years, whenever you first got to know me, and heres hoping that we will all make that special effort to meet up, to always be there for one another in the next many many years.
whatever it is, i hope if you went you had fun

junyi! posted at 9:04 pm.

for some reason i havent been very motivated in planning my own birthday party. at certain points of time i ask myself what's the point, or is there even such a need. but as with all things, once you choose to embark on something, you can hardly turn back. but what is it for really? to prove to yourself that you have made many friends the past 21 years? to get people to celebrate your successes achieved in the past 21 years? or is it just an excuse to get people to meet up, people who might otherwise feel that there isnt a reason to meet up in other circumstances. Perhaps it is the act of finally planning something for myself, and wanting to celebrate it with people who you think mean something to you, in your life, in one way or another.

And that's when all the insecurities set in and you think about your relationships with the people around you - people who you havent met in a year - what do they mean to you, people who you havent had contact with in a year - what do you mean to them. Are you just a weirdo who thinks you are a friend but to them they think, seriously what friends? And then there're those you dont quite care about and wonder if you should invite them out of political correctness, otherwise they might feel upset. but i think it could be us overrating ourselves. who are we to be capable of making someone feel upset? Ah, birthday parties, like human relationships are complicating.

Well humans are complicating people themselves. The aware saga has highlighted to us as much. And while the picture is still at best fuzzy, i think it rude and suspicious how a group of people choose to infiltrate the ruling body of a group and seek to do an overhaul of the values system. If this is a group that has achieved international standing, why are the new rulers choosing to hide themselves behind a veil of secrecy, mystery and supposed righteousness and democracy. i mean from what it seems they look like christian fundamentalists who seek to change the values of a group that they might feel to go against the proper rights of the women that should be championed. and they think that an inner voice has bestowed upon them the duty to infiltrate this group and change the world. if they have what it takes, they ought to set up their own group and promote their own set of values and even challenge that of aware. yet it is fuzzy and perhaps unfair to question their motivations when they havent exactly espoused on their stand. yet you cant blame the media since they are the ones who reject the opportunity to explain themselves. i never expected this issue to escalate into such a huge one such that it has been dominating the prime section of the papers daily, but it perhaps highlights how much aware has done since it had been established, that people actually know about it and are concerned about how it will evolve with the 'infiltration' of the old guard.

a month vacation beckons me, i ought to find something interesting or maybe meaningful to do.

junyi! posted at 3:40 pm.

i was just wondering, that if one day, you just leave the country, go on a backpacking trip for a year, without telling anyone, except maybe your family, how many people would notice? How many people would wonder if you are still alive and maybe you know call your house to find out?

because the way i see it, facebook has become such a prevalent thing that we seem to know everything via facebook and it has come to a point at which we begin to take a proper sit down, meeting up, the cursory how's life on msn for granted. and the fact that of course facebook helps fill up the gaps of knowledge of your friend, or pseudo friend, all you need to do is just meet up once or twice a year. and still remain pseudo friends.

so the question is, if a person is shut off from facebook, msn and everything. will you pick up your phone and find out how he is doing?

junyi! posted at 1:24 pm.

what the latest cabinet reshuffle mean:
1. wong is not promoted, and expected to retire the next elections. esp since the msk episode is expected to be a huge issue at bishan toa payoh next elections. just as the opposition readies themselves and starts preparing their offensive material, they will realise, to their horror on nomination day, that the minister in charge of the grc is going to retire! ah the prime minister is trying to be sneaky.
2. less office space for the ministers in pmo. which is probably an incentive for people the likes of limhweehwa to spend more time at the other ministries she is 2ic for, and limsweesay to spend more time at ntuc.

one question though - why is it our defence minister who is promoted over the foreign affairs minister. interestingly mfa was touted to be the pm when our current sm took over as pm then.

random thoughts. there's nothing much going on in my life right now, except for debates. and it is annoying how i am not doing well in it. is it bad luck, or not enough time, or that i am just not good enough. whatever the case is sometimes it sucks so much cos i hate losing. and it sucks to the degree that i have considered quitting and finding an internship or something. but oh well, money remains an incentive, and the fact this can be pocket money in uni is also another huge incentive. unfortunately my record at this point of time isnt too fantastic.

so what else has happened. ntu dcs, where i had hoped to better my showing 4 years ago, unfortunately with stiffer competition and harder draws it was not to be, but at the very least we broke. then i appeared on tv again. haha. that was quite exciting. unfortunately i had to speak chinese and i didnt even get to see it since it came out in the 6.30 news and not the 10pm news. -.- apparently it is the first thing they shelved once other more important news came in. HMPH. and in between theres my 5th jgs that i participated in. which was bittersweet, stressful and interesting. haha. how weird for the grand finals to fall on my birthday.

speaking of which there's my birthday to kinda plan for. and i dont quite know what to do!

junyi! posted at 7:19 pm.