What the hell … today was supposed to be a happy occasion. I mean, how often to you get a treat from your teachers, go out with friends, especially in this hectic time. But my dad, had to spoil it. Every single time. Yeah, he is in one of his black moods again. For what reasons, I don’t know, and I don’t care. All I know is, he is venting his anger on me …

Yeah. 9 pts for prelims. I know that that isn’t really very, very fantastic. But, what the hell? He has to rant and show an even blacker face. I didn’t live up to expectations, as seen in A Math & Comb Humans. But as it is, he just can’t show any understanding towards ANYTHING. And the worse thing is, he so seeks enjoyment in comparing ME, a lowly 8-subber to those few names that he know – and incidentally they all r much better than me, being the 9-subbers who are like ohhh … so much smarter than me … Shang, JonK, Suhas etc. What the hell? I mean, I did not do exactly very very well. No 6-pts. And obviously I am not very pleased with myself either. But can’t he see, I am doing it, studying and all, not for any1 but MYSELF. I did study, and maybe I am juz plain stupid. Maybe I juz can’t make it. Maybe I juz can’t get 6-pts. Sometimes I feel so discouraged. Everything I do, there has to be something bad. And he chooses to look at the bad side. I mean, what the hell? … He this time chose to look at the 2 B4 & 1 C5 tt I have and screwed me for tt (incidentally, I did not use all 3 for my l1r5 … So … What’s his prob man?)

And now, he doesn’t want me to go arts, which I initially thought of going, so that basically means decision made isn’t it? Hell. This is my life, can’t he let me live it my own way？Sometimes, I wonder, why is it that he makes all the decisions for me. And I have to live with the decisions HE MAKES. Can’t he understand that I m really stupid, and that I can never ever be what he wants me to be – this smart nerd who spends his entire 24 hours mugging at home. That’s not me, and never will be. So he grounded me. It’s official now. Damnnit lah, I am so freaking pissed. I am controlled every where, every time. Hell. I am pissed now, both with my results & with him. I did do well in EL & E Math, but not in my pet A Math & Comb Humans … (again … as from CTs) … so I am still really, really upset. Aiyah, what to do? Nothing but mug more … But I really made up my mind. I am going to hear & look around a bit and then decide arts or science. And from then, I decide whether arts or science. He’s not going to hinder me in any way man.

I was juz talking about family life and all at the lunch with ms grace & mrs chong today. And this shit had to happen. I mean, all respect to my parents and all, but sometimes, I think my dad has lots of character learning to do. He may be upright & all, but he definitely needs to be more intellectually sensitive, being nicer & more understanding to his children, especially stupid me …

O well. Now that I have finally got rid of like 50% of the fire in me, I must say the rest of today was pretty good. Went out with ms grace & mrs chong for a treat and all … supposedly to thank us for our contributions. Yeah, went to Seoul Garden & it was surprisingly, less awkward than I thought it would be. Talked about everything, school life and all, and of course heard their perspective with regards to school issues, their lives & (hehe) the new captains. It was extremely light-hearted and even after the teachers left, we stayed for another 1.5 hrs to juz talk. It seems so relaxed and it brought up many fond memories in RI. Sigh. In abt 17 days time, all these will very well come to an end. And we really, really, should have more of these kind of lunch. Jus to talk about stuff and get to know each other better. Had loads of fun and really enjoyed it. Thanks a lot all of you – ms grace, mrs chong, Ilman & jonk. It was really fun ((:

As for my grades, I guess it was a marked improvement. Not fantastic at all, no room for complacency, and I will work harder. 9 pts. 3 A1s, 3 A2s & others too embarrassing to mention. Moderation would be nice … so I guess we now take a wait and see approach. Really congratulations to those who did really well – top scorers & 6-pters & those who fulfilled what they wanted. As for me, it’s all left with the O levels.

Sigh. Screwed up. Tt’s me.

Jun Yi

junyi! posted at 10:55 pm.

After having gone through like 2 days of talks, i still havent changed my mind. Where i want to go, it is still pretty much the same. But WANT and WILL is very much of 2 extremely different things. Will things change on Monday, tues & thurs? I definitely hope not. Humans teachers all seem like lots of fun ... those brits have an overwhelming sense of humour. Which leads me to one question - y r these brits so witty & humourous and yet those chinese ... are jus so very lame (e.g. when the bell dun ring, we win the NObel prize - this TJC head of science). haha. and o ajit ... how could u do tt? ... not completing the talks becoz it is not in the script? ... But o well. Heard ur grandma died (apologies if i got it wrong, but tt's wat i heard), my condolences.

The past few days have been very much relaxed and i guess engines will start going again (it is being slowly warmed up now) after ms grace & mrs chong's treat next wed. Sigh. How well or badly will i do? So far teachers havent really expressed disappointment and so on ... but teachers do this all so very well. So i really bu zhi dao ...

the past 2 days have been fun. i am now one up on those spotlight dudes and those singapore idol dudes ... I recorded a song! HAHAHAHA. On thurs, i was sort of forced to record we r the young ... partly coz yi hern is doing it and mrs koh has been telling the cec for sec 4 classes tt 4J is doing the video and since i m monitor i m quite obliged to help them out. AND THIS YI HERN ah ... went to make my voice like quite obvious in the song for certain parts. Thankfully he smoothened it out first. hahaha. It came out quite nice actually. haha. It was quite fun lah. haha. How many ppl haf actually recorded a song b4, i ask u ...

And on fri, we haf some filming to do for mtv of we r the young. wasnt a main actor, coz was doing mainly human resource. havent seen the final product. But i assure u it would b good. there will b a teacher segment ... tentatively involving teachers like Ms Tang SN (eh, phil?), king, mrs koh, mrs ong wl, ms sim, so it is bound to b so very interesting. Then we haf a couple of leads ... sergius, kevin (sec 1), wong khai, ilman. It will, all in all, b good.

Went to watch spotlight too. It was pretty good i guess. Standards were ok. and auyong & jing song, u dudes did pretty well, so rock on! haha ...

House Meeting will b next mon. Looking forward to it. Will try my very best to b my funniest, as requested by ilman. =)

junyi! posted at 11:01 am.

So here i am. Back. With the prelims officially over, I have declared a break for myselves. At least till i have received my results. Which I personally would say mean I would return to the books by next wednesday with horrendous results that is going to reach my eye next week.

That said, I think prelims r a big screw-up. And I think you noe what i mean by that. This whole year, I have been so used to winning - i juz cannot ABSOLUTELY imagine how life will be life next week. sigh. I shall not talk about it. If results r indeed good, then maybe u will hear from me next week. If not, then most prob the comp keyboard muz haf been broken at a moment of fury & folly, so i won't blog then. so of course, i hope i will b blogging next week. Yet again, i dun think i will b. Sigh. How conflicting.

Sigh. I officially have no life. Right after exams, went to write moor report. Ok, sort of. We discussed about it. Then discussed about our 15 min segment for house meeting. haha. How fun. It took us lyke 4 hours? then walked wif jonkie to mrt station coz i din noe wat to do wif my life. Then met kerpan, so i walked with him back to school (YES. I really haf nothing better to do). He nicely offered me a ride home. So here i am, back home, typing this blog.

O well. I am going to graduate soon. Really, really filled with nostalgia, come to think of it. There r so many things worth remembering ... juz so many. And i feel quite sad to leave this place of memories. So many people out there in RI haf really made a difference in the way i am now. And i do so really want to thank them. I shall, now, write in my free time about these people - a tribute of sorts. But juz not now. Maybe later today, but not now - m totally tired.

And i think of my life. Haha. It's quite interesting really. But i don't know how any1 else could have viewed it. Or how i could live in theirs. I havent tried. And shant bother. But i guess i quite regret it when i 'lived the most of my RI life' only in sec 4. I dont know. It kinda felt sort of empty in sec 1 and 2 and the first half of sec 3. And soon, it will all end.

Guess tt's the way things really are. Things come to an end and begin again. All too soon you make new friends again when u move to a new institute of learning. Tt's the way things really are. sigh. And we have to put up with this. This uncertainty.

junyi! posted at 4:19 pm.